Like Ya Do

Depressed? Check. But we finally found a medication that helps. As long as I take it.

Vitamin D shortage? Check. Add in some supplement and see how that goes.

PCOS? Not that much of a surprise, okay, we’ll just deal with a new permanent diagnosis to go with the rest of them.

Okay, so we’ve got those things handled. And a few others. Seems like a perfect time to start going back to yoga, right?

Oops, instead it was the perfect time for back problems to flare up. Normally my back “outages” last about a week or two and then I go back to life as normal. Not this time. Oh, no. This time, I am completely out of whack and have been for going on 8 months now. I’ve been through MRIs, MRI reading second opinions, nerve conduction studies, and now I’m waiting on a neurosurgery appointment.

And the whole time, I’m trying to figure out what my new normal even IS. I try to stay mobile as much as possible. I try to push through the pain because who else is going to work for me? I have good days and bad days, and the bad days find me crying at my desk and not accomplishing much because I can’t find a position comfortable enough to let my brain focus on work.

And through it all, I have these people that refuse to give up on me. These friends and loves and people who remind me that I’m not alone, that even if this pain is permanent that someone should do something about it. They inspire me to do the responsible thing and advocate for myself. They remind me to take the meds that don’t make a noticeable difference, but might be working in the background. They encourage me to keep going when I start mentally self flagellating.

I don’t think I would survive pain at this level without those people. And I am so grateful that I have some of the RIGHT people around me. The ones who don’t judge me. The ones who validate me and remind me that we have concrete evidence that I SHOULD be in pain. The ones who don’t hesitate to go to bat for me when people in the airport are sneering at what looks like a perfectly healthy 36 year old fat woman in a wheelchair. The ones who help me find center when I’m upside down in my head.

I hope everyone who suffers from chronic pain of any sort has friends like mine. And if they don’t, I hope they can find some. I’ll share.


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